I realize that this might come off as an angry “feminist” post, but oh well. This is something I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this past year and a big reason that keeps me from wanting to get into a relationship anytime soon.
I have heard men complain a million times about how women don’t know what they want, but what about men? What is it that you want? (This is obviously a generalization based on my personal experience)
The Latin men I have dated wanted me to gain weight, so that I would be more soft and fleshy. They criticized me for spending “too much” time exercising. They wanted me to change my lifestyle so that I would be at home waiting all day and have dinner on the table for when they arrived. They wanted me to stay quiet, look pretty, and not ask so many questions.
The American men I have dated wanted me to exercise more, and be more fit and toned. They criticized me for not exercising enough and for not being more careful of what I ate. They wanted me to be more open minded about new experiences like them, and called me close minded if what appealed to them didn’t appeal to me.
I have dated Asian men who liked the fact that I am small, but wanted me to be more fragile and sweet. They wanted me to wear makeup, jewelry, and cute things. They couldn’t comprehend a woman being out on her own and not needing to be protected by a man.
The men I have dated all have something in common. They each wanted me to be someone else. Someone bigger, smaller, sweeter, cuter, tougher, weaker.
I hope I never stop asking questions about the world around me, for I am a curious person. I enjoy both exercising and eating good food. I can be sweet, but I am not some damsel in distress. Sometimes I like to dress up to the nines, and other times it feels like a t-shirt sort of day.
What is wrong with just being me?
This is a question I have been asking myself a lot lately. Sure, I am planning on going to India for a month (maybe 3) for a yoga teacher course but I am still not satisfied with just that. I feel that I need to have a better laid out plan because I have been wandering aimlessly around the world for almost a year. Is it really I that needs this plan, or is it what society has led me to believe I need?
Can’t I always be a gypsy living from one place to the next?